Well... things cannot continue for ever. There is an inevitable end to everything. The only positive hope is that everything will work out, or that something great will be accomplished. Sometimes, there is no way to know if things will work out or be ok. There is a point, when one may very well have to just give and move on. When does this point arise? How can one know to stop, if one doesn't know the expected end result? Or what if one tries to accomplish something, but nothing seems to ever be achieved.
It's hard to know when to give up and when to keep going. I almost always keep going beyond the point I should. I keep working or trying even though I know I won't get the right answer ever.

Failure

So I've been wondering... What makes a person a failure? Is it not doing well in school... losing a job... not getting a job... not having a future plane? I've pondered this thought many times. What / who are failures? People constantly talk about being or not wanting to be failures, but what actually makes a person a failure? People say when you try your hardest and you don't succeed that's life... but isn't that failure. Where is the line? When is trying your hardest not enough? I feel like you can try all you want, but for some, they will always be failures. It isn't fair... but some are just unlucky. I wish that wasn't true, but I think some are just meant to lack success and be unlucky.

Well it's been a while since my last post. I know this is not concerning to anyone. Why should it be? ... Well, I'm not here to debate the significance of taking an interest in other people's lives; however, I move off of that subject after a brief quote from someone I know, "The affairs of others are of no consequence to me."

Well, I am here to discuss something on a completely different topic. I've been wondering about being involved in something to the point that despite the pain and anger it causes you keep returning to it, because in someways it really isn't hard. It's something you want to do, but it will hurt you at times, but you continue regardless. I have never really been in that sort of situation before. In some ways I would like to be. I want to be caught in something I feel I can't quit or something I must stick with till the end. I feel my lack of commitment and interest and things has hindered me in someways. I feel I get more caught up in situations that are hopeless, situations where I have no escape despite how much I want to leave. The situations I speak are not of true pain, but of misery. They are not really harming me, but they are not where I want to be. I think the reason I want to be caught up in something with both good and bad things is that I want to find my place. My entire life I've had this feeling that everybody has that one thing that they are great at. Everyone has that one special talent. I've never had one. I mean I never been terrible at anything, but I've never been very good at anything. As I try to find this calling or niche, I feel lost. I just want to find my place, but as of yet that seems hopeless. But just maybe, that's the way it's meant to be. Maybe some people are meant to be on the eternal quest. Maybe searching is their calling? I really don't know, and I think I will never find out, but at least I can still hope.

What to do? What to do?

As I see my future slowly pass before my eyes, I realize how bleak this portion of my life has become. My small room has become cell of non stop work. The lack of a break and lack of relaxation has made me stir crazy within these four walls. It just never seems to end. I feel like the light at the end of the tunnel is just too far away. Why oh why?
Right now, as I sit and ponder about my work, I try to comprise an interesting topic; however, I am failing. My inability to compose any sort of complex thought has left me in the dust. I truly lack the mental capacity and facilities to provide the world, or even just myself, with something worthwhile. Nothing but contrived nonsense and garbage comes out. Like always I just need a break. I need a chance to refresh, recharge, and recuperate. Hopefully, the future will be brighter.

On the upside, tonight was an excellent night for star gazing.

Illness

I truly hate being sick. I just miserable and in a fog. This week in my life will be miserable. I am swamped with work and on top of that I feel terrible. When will it end?... Never I suppose. I wish everything was just so much easier. If only, if only. I'm sick of being tired; I'm sick of being overwork; I'm sick of being sick, but most importantly, I am sick of everything.

Hello

Hello Goodbye

Relaxation

Many a day I have pondered the need for relaxation. Ok, so this may not be exactly true. More or less I have been trying to work and have instead been struck with the notion. Relaxation, how important is it? I try to believe from time to time that one can just work constantly, but now I am starting to change my mind. I am starting to feel burned out. My life now begs for an opportunity to kick back and relax, but in reality most of the time I don't have this luxury. I must constantly push myself to keep going. I know if I don't that failure is the only thing in my future. Relaxation, it is so important. If only I had more time for it. Maybe then my life would be better... who knows.