Well it's been a while since my last post. I know this is not concerning to anyone. Why should it be? ... Well, I'm not here to debate the significance of taking an interest in other people's lives; however, I move off of that subject after a brief quote from someone I know, "The affairs of others are of no consequence to me."

Well, I am here to discuss something on a completely different topic. I've been wondering about being involved in something to the point that despite the pain and anger it causes you keep returning to it, because in someways it really isn't hard. It's something you want to do, but it will hurt you at times, but you continue regardless. I have never really been in that sort of situation before. In some ways I would like to be. I want to be caught in something I feel I can't quit or something I must stick with till the end. I feel my lack of commitment and interest and things has hindered me in someways. I feel I get more caught up in situations that are hopeless, situations where I have no escape despite how much I want to leave. The situations I speak are not of true pain, but of misery. They are not really harming me, but they are not where I want to be. I think the reason I want to be caught up in something with both good and bad things is that I want to find my place. My entire life I've had this feeling that everybody has that one thing that they are great at. Everyone has that one special talent. I've never had one. I mean I never been terrible at anything, but I've never been very good at anything. As I try to find this calling or niche, I feel lost. I just want to find my place, but as of yet that seems hopeless. But just maybe, that's the way it's meant to be. Maybe some people are meant to be on the eternal quest. Maybe searching is their calling? I really don't know, and I think I will never find out, but at least I can still hope.

What to do? What to do?

As I see my future slowly pass before my eyes, I realize how bleak this portion of my life has become. My small room has become cell of non stop work. The lack of a break and lack of relaxation has made me stir crazy within these four walls. It just never seems to end. I feel like the light at the end of the tunnel is just too far away. Why oh why?
Right now, as I sit and ponder about my work, I try to comprise an interesting topic; however, I am failing. My inability to compose any sort of complex thought has left me in the dust. I truly lack the mental capacity and facilities to provide the world, or even just myself, with something worthwhile. Nothing but contrived nonsense and garbage comes out. Like always I just need a break. I need a chance to refresh, recharge, and recuperate. Hopefully, the future will be brighter.

On the upside, tonight was an excellent night for star gazing.

Illness

I truly hate being sick. I just miserable and in a fog. This week in my life will be miserable. I am swamped with work and on top of that I feel terrible. When will it end?... Never I suppose. I wish everything was just so much easier. If only, if only. I'm sick of being tired; I'm sick of being overwork; I'm sick of being sick, but most importantly, I am sick of everything.

Hello

Hello Goodbye

Relaxation

Many a day I have pondered the need for relaxation. Ok, so this may not be exactly true. More or less I have been trying to work and have instead been struck with the notion. Relaxation, how important is it? I try to believe from time to time that one can just work constantly, but now I am starting to change my mind. I am starting to feel burned out. My life now begs for an opportunity to kick back and relax, but in reality most of the time I don't have this luxury. I must constantly push myself to keep going. I know if I don't that failure is the only thing in my future. Relaxation, it is so important. If only I had more time for it. Maybe then my life would be better... who knows.

Sleep it rhymes with sheep...

Well just beginning with an aside. Have ever thought about the fact that sleep rhymes with sheep? Is that why people count sheep when they try to sleep? Just a thought that I was pondering. Ok... just one more tangent before I truly begin. Did you know that German scientists have a new hypothesis about migratory birds. The new theory is that migratory birds fly to same place every year, because they can see the earth's magnetic field. I personally just find that mind boggling. They can see the earth's magnetic field. How on earth is that possible? Just a random thought I had.
So... as it may be well ascertained. My focus today is gone out the window. I lack the ability to write cohesive ideas. This is becoming an issue in my life. I can no longer have a legitimate argument or train of thought. Trying to create cohesive and logical ideas is not an easy task. Why can't all opinions just be regarded? What is the true point of persuasion? Why does everyone have to be right? Well... focus is important... logic is important... but other than that I am lost for the rest.

Moving On

Moving on, it's something everyone must do from time to time. I hate to think about moving on, because it means something has ended. It means I have to admit something failed. However, I want to always believe that moving on is possible. I always want to have the hope that there is a clear future ahead. So, I guess I must move on.

Failure

Ok, I'm starting with a generalization/ assumption. Nobody likes to fail. I sure don't. However, sometimes it's unavoidable. Sometimes failure is something that must be accepted. But when you try so hard, why does failure have to be the only solution? I have failed and failed time and time again. It doesn't get any easier, but why does it have to be this way?

Memories

Why do some memories have to hurt so much? Why do good memories have to hurt the worst? As think of certain "happy" moments in my past, I feel this pain inside. It's like it hurts to think that something good happened, because I know it won't happen again. When I think of some things in the past, they were fantastic times, but they no longer exist. It pains me to remember that these moments are unlikely to occur again. I wish they could always occur, but these are only memories. They are memories that I must forget.

Alone

I'm scared of being alone forever. I am not used to feeling alone. It was something that never bothered me, but then all of a sudden I feel so alone. I feel like I have just realized how alone in the world I am. The world is so vast. There are so many people out there, and yet so many people are alone. Why do things have to be this way? Why are so many people strangers? Why does anyone have to be alone?

Truth

How do you know if something is true? Everybody lies. I'm not just trying to mimic House. Everybody has some grievance with another person, but why must it all be lies. If you know a person lies, how do you know that they are not lying to you? I'm not trying to say all people are bad, but how do you know if something is true or not. How do you know that you are not the one that is hated or lied to? I value the truth and find it very important in everyday life. I wonder what the world would be like if people could only say the truth.

Onward

I must move forward. I cannot never go back. I must live in the present and the future not the past.

Well, what is there to say?

I started this blog without the hopes of much of anything. There truly isn't a point to this. This will easily become the simply rambling of one random person.

Anyways, how can one moment in time be so perfect yet so fleeting? Why is it that everything has to return to reality? As I have discovered this weekend, nothing good ever lasts. An awesome moment can easily become nothing more than a memory that is sure not to repeat itself. As I accept this painful realization, I bring myself back to the world of reality and work. Hopefully these great moments can be numerous in quantity if they cannot be infinite.